So what changed? You started pursuing him. If you start inviting him to things, initiating contact, and showing too much interest, why would he feel he needs to continue his pursuit? You need to let him come to you, not the other way around. It really is that simple.
Yet, you are supposed just to pick up and carry on. In reality, you look around and see you enjoy life just as much, if not more, than all those people telling you what you are missing out on.
We all go through a whole lot of hurt to recognize when things are good. If you never try to love, then you lose from the beginning. Hey, it is your choice, and I totally get it. If you are someone not interested in dating, I totally get it.
There are just some people who would rather be on their own. The truth is not everyone is meant to be in a relationship, have children, or even find love.
Sometimes we fall in love super hard and think that person is our soul mate. Sometimes death comes a whole lot earlier than we want it to. There are all sorts of ways we can be wounded in love. Although tainted by the feelings of hurt or betrayal, love is a feeling like nothing else on earth. Maybe you should experience it again. I get it. I remember growing up thinking their distaste for one another was just what couplehood was like.
They love each other more than they love their next breath, and they respect and want the best for one another. Real love does exist. I have seen it; I have lived it. Instead of choosing not to be interested in dating, maybe just choose better and take it slower next time.
Just take it slow and be friends first. If you ever did decide to give dating a chance again it is better to be cautious in dating. In other words, make sure there is a mutual interest before you ask them out if they ask you out there is probably an interest, but don't always assume their motives are wrong.
Maybe before you accept their date you might say "how about we just not call it a date but get coffee or go for a walk in the park? There needs to be a clear hint that they are really interested. If you do ask them out and they say no, then you know.
If you get to know them then you can understand better at where they stand or if they are in another relationship. I think the bigger challenge is thinking that a person is not interested when they really are.
You can test this in many ways But, sometimes it is just best to rule out certain people from the outgo and not even go for them. If someone is well beyond the half age plus 7 rule, then just rule them out and move on. Don't even consider them. Then, if there is an exception you will know beyond a shadow of a doubt what that exception is But, if you do decide to give relationships a chance my advice is to just stay away from people too young and you will avoid potential problems or misunderstandings.
If you just want to be single for life that is an admirable goal. Maybe you got kids and you realize that it would be better for them to not have you remarry while the other parent is still living. Or, maybe it doesn't matter who dies first Or, maybe you have been single your whole life and have hardly dated.
Not Interested in Dating? Why It's Normal to Feel This Way
Maybe you have never dated. Maybe you have decided to never date. This is all ok. But, just know that you can give dating a whirl again None of the men I've ever dated, and even the one who married me, ever really loved me. Despite all of the times they said they loved me, they were only saying it to get me into bed.
I'm absolutely done with men forever. I wasted 21 years trying to be a good wife, girlfriend, lover, friend, etc. I just turn down every single man who asks me out now.
I am so done, and it's not like it's a loss to men. They never cared anyways. I am in my thirties, and love being single. I am not saying I will never date anyone again, but I have not for years because I am not part of the dating scene.
7 Red Flags In Dating You Should NEVER Ignore
I feel energetic and full of life, and not like I am missing out on everything. If dating was a priority I might pursue this, but I really do not feel like it. I never dated much in my life, my last relationship pretty much took it out of me, to the point of my weight being 90lbs, being a 5 foot 6 woman, 90 lbs is VERY thin, The day I left I felt like a million chains had slide off of me, there was no more that could be done to me, I had hit rock bottom, and felt like this person took me on a trip down the devils throat, well now 3 years later I am healthy as can be expected.
At 35 years old I have no desire to date ever again, I feel in my 20's and 30's all I worried about was dating, now, I will spend my 40's to 80's living my life my way!
I am happier being single. I dont ever want to date again it is just not for me.
I get to travel and do a lot of fun things by myself. Society should not make people feel bad about themselves or weird because they are single and choose that lifestyle. I definitely agree with what you have wrote. I have a different take about this. I honestly think that some of my "attached" friends want me to date and get into some sort of serious relationship because of jealousy because I have the freedom to choose what I want to do and they cannot because of commitments that were promised by their other half.
Whenever I even start to consider dating someone, I always remind myself of the past and how unhappy I became because of a lack of the freedom I previously had and a choking feeling like someone was restricting my freedom of movement.
I really don't understand these studies that say married people live ;onger than singles. I wish people would stop inferring people who do not want to date are anti-something because in all honesty, a lot of us are just pro ourselves.
Even when in recent times I remotely considered dating again, I usually put that idea back on the shelf when I realized that person was not interested enough in my own comfort.
I think we all have to hold out for what is best for us, and why should we ever settle for anything less?! Could not agree more. I'm not anti-man I just realize at my age that there are probably no men out there that can give me what I want, or that I will give them what they want. I have a great job, great friends, close family members, and have arranged my life in a way that makes me happy and I think I provide other people with happiness, as well.
So, best thing for me is to be true to myself and embrace life. You did the right thing Brian. Maybe you should start a blog to help other single parents get their priorities straight, or at least focused on what is most important: their kids. You are right on SweetiePie in that the focus of those of us who are single parents should be their kids.
I was astonished when I tested the dating waters that it wasn't the case among the single moms I encountered, and a far off concept to the one career single woman i was set up with.
I was even accused of being selfish for choosing to attend the Friday night football game last year all three of my girls were playing in the marching band together for the first time and going to their schools band competition the next day rather than go on a weekend getaway with her.
She had found a place to stash her kids for the weekend and pointed out mine were old enough to be left alone. What I couldn't get her to understand was that I live for these school events. This is where I see the payoff for all of the music lessons and the times I waited for them to get done with volleyball practice and such. The window is closing faster than you think on getting to see my girls do these things. Two years from now, this will be done when my youngest graduates.
She kept saying there will be other games, I say I want to see them all. She got walking papers right then and there and maybe went on her trip alone. No loss for me, my girls didn't like her anyway. I don't need a significant other in my life to complete it. Who need that kind of stress? And this was one of the good ones. I am glad to see that someone agrees with me. Twenty years from now, the woman I ditched to go to a high school football game will unlikely remember or care that she was upstaged by my girls.
My girls will remember and laugh because their dad didn't get pressured into doing something he did not want to do with someone he didn't care all that much for to begin with.
You sound like a good dad.
Feb 28, I do wonder if online dating websites are, for some men, a safe place to be unbelievably rude to women and express their rage and misogyny. My guess is that some of them have no interest in Author: Stella Grey. I was interested in dating, but now I have second thoughts. Dating is extremely hard if you have little to no experience. And women are just too complicated to understand and deal with, not to mention all the list requirements a guy needs just to even talk to a woman and jumping through hoop after hoop just to impress her is not worth it. Sep 03, I sometimes wonder if my lack of interest in dating is just a wall I've put up to prevent that from ever happening to me again. In general, I do not let guys get very close at all. While I have several groups of friends, it's pretty hard for me to let anyone get TOO close, even women. I also feel like I have a complete lack of interest in sex.
I wrote another hub awhile back talking about how divorced parents should focus on their kids rather than just dating, which I hear a lot of kids complain about actually. Even growing up kids my age would complain about how their mom's new boyfriend or dad's new girlfriend was getting so much attention, so even though you are not divorced, your situation is similar in that you are raising the kids on your own.
Some people never seem to realize maybe their kids could be their companions, but I think it is cool that you do.
Your kids will grow up knowning that you cared, and that they are not just an obligation for you until they turn I am single again due to being widowed after being married 19 years. I gave dating a shot when I felt ready.
It really is not for me. Being a single parent as well, I really am not "alone". The last thing a middle aged single parent needs is someone else adding pressure and making demands from you.
I'll have to say the last 8 years of my marriage were filled with pressure and anxiety that at times was debilitating. It was not my late wife's fault, she could not help it. That's part of your marriage vows. But now that time has past and those wounds have healed, I don't see a good reason to "put myself back out there" again. I had rather focus on getting my kids raised and on their feet in the world instead and take care of myself for a change.
The companionship bit is grossly overrated in my opinion.
Have you ever heard of "a two-week show"? You know the story - a man puts on a performance for about two weeks during the beginning stages of your relationship (or non-relationship), which is when he's trying to impress you. In his mind, he's still . During this time I had a bit of interest in dating but that diminished after a few months and I broke it off with the man I was seeing. I just wasn't ready. Right now I have absolutely no interest in dating, sure I sometimes miss things couples do BUT I much prefer keeping my focus on my kids, improving myself and achieving my goals and dreams. Nov 22, But, once again, if you have no interest in dating ever again that is totally fine and you don't have to even consider this take. A lot of this dating stuff has to do with how a person responds to those around them (if you think that no one is really interested, well you may be believing something that is completely false).
I don't want the responsibility of making sure someone else is happy. Things can change, someone may fall out of the sky and knock my socks off as my friends say. I'll believe it when I see it, but I certainly won't go out chasing my tail looking for her.
I will be content seeing my daughters through high school to college and going to their band concerts and sporting events in the meantime. Glad you enjoyed this hub Mariah. Actually, I think the country is catching on a bit because I just read something in Marie Claire talking about how more people are choosing to be single these days, and it is not the horrific thing our grandparents made it out to be. Yes we are still surrounded by friends and acquaintances who always need to be in a relationship, or pursuing marriage as a life goal, but there is a very good likelihood a lot of those people will not be together in a few years anyway.
It is better to focus on your own life rather than just trying to fill the void, so to speak. I've had this problem all my life. My friends always want me to "get back in there. Its too complicated, dramatic, and too much compromising. I just want to spend my life as a fun, adventurous bachelorette, doing the things that I want to do in life. It really encouraged me. I can completely understand your viewpoint and give you much respect for having the guts to go "against the grain" of what society says we should be doing and constantly rams down our throats.
Being a 40 yr old male, I've never really given marriage much thought until recently and I have to say that my heart weeps for you just a little bit not pity in any form, just a slight spiritual sadnesseven though I know you don't want that. I've really been working on getting to know myself lately and am finding that when I am able to quiet my mind, my inner voice seems to be guiding me, without me even being conscious of it.
Even though I've have been betrayed horribly in past relationships, I'm starting to feel a longing, a sense of incompleteness that I've never felt before. The more negative energy that I expel from my life, the more positive my outlook becomes. This "positive energy" has been compounding on itself and the resulting "build-up" seems to resonate with everyone I come into contact with.
As a result, I now believe that the "Law of Attraction" is not just a myth, but a Universal truth. All I'm trying to say is that I believe, no matter how much you may think you don't want something, the universe just might have a different opinion and may in fact, change your thinking altogether. I say this now, because I am experiencing it as I write this. Sorry if I got too metaphysical, I just felt compelled to reach out to you I agree with this so much and really wish I could meet more people who felt relationships aren't for everyone.
I just wish to finding a balance and life for myself and not worrying about how to make my needs mold and conform for another. Seen three divorces this month in my family and best friend. I just do not wish to feel any of the let down and pain that will follow. So why not be happy in solitude? Never understood why some have to say, "Oh you have to get back out there".
No, there are plenty of break-ups, bad relationships, and divorces in the world, so if you just prefer being on your own and not dealing with that drama, I think it is a lot easier actually. Even in the best relationship I always hear nagging and complaining between both parties, and as an outsider looking in, that does not strike me as a picnic.
Thank God! I am 35 male been single all my life an hope to be that way. I have dated some girls. I never found the right girl so I gave it up.
I decided to ate the hub because I realize I am most likely going to be a life long single person, and I would like to remove the stigma of that. People say some really odd things to you if you decide being in relationships or a relationship is not for you. Some how their fears of one day being "all alone" are encapsulated in your decision to be single, and they just have to confront that head on.
Three weeks ago when I got sick I made myself soup and took care of myself, and I was just fine. Maybe because I have always done things this way it seems perfectly fine, but I know to some people this is the scariest thing imaginable. It is very OK to be single and you stated here very important points.
Some people feel much more themselves when "alone" and I very much admire that. I admire you for this Hub and wish you a lot of luck, whether you decide to continue to stay single or not. Other product and company names shown may be trademarks of their respective owners.
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SweetiePie more. Perk 1: Less Arguing Relationships are all about compromise, which means one partner will always have to concede something to make the other happy. Perk 2: The Introverts Retreat A dating dry spell can also be of benefit to a person that tends to be somewhat of an introvert and needs a retreat from the outside world at the end of the day. Questions must be on-topic, written with proper grammar usage, and understandable to a wide audience.
I'm open to being friends and this marriage even though it ended badly, I do know all men are not smucks and liars and some can be trustworthy : Great hub, I enjoyed reading it : Donna. It's good to know I'm not the only one calling it quits. Maybe I should get a dog? Then I moved to a very rural area in Florida and simply didn't meet anyone my age.
I sent probably a dozen messages to women with no response before calling it quits. In fact, I gave up on women entirely and am better for it.
I just found out that another one of my latest date was using me. Really does. Love yourself :. Alex, I think you are more mature than you think. Is the author still single? I haaate when people encourage me to get out there. Hi laxl, I wish people would stop inferring people who do not want to date are anti-something because in all honesty, a lot of us are just pro ourselves.
Brian, You sound like a good dad. Hello, I've had this problem all my life. Hi SweetiePie, I can completely understand your viewpoint and give you much respect for having the guts to go "against the grain" of what society says we should be doing and constantly rams down our throats. Hi, first timer on a hub.
Hi SueMi, Never understood why some have to say, "Oh you have to get back out there". Hi Tatjana, I decided to ate the hub because I realize I am most likely going to be a life long single person, and I would like to remove the stigma of that.
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No interest in dating ever
Together close to 25yrs, married for 15 of them. After horrendous feelings and emotions we got through it. It was amicable.
Aug 07, Why are men not interested in me? I have tried internet dating, I go to clubs and festivals, I am feminine, witty and friendly, I'm a good cook and I love football - Author: Guardian Staff. Many people aren't interested in dating because they don't want to get married or have a long-term partner. The thing is, you can date and not have to be tied to someone forever. #9 You haven't ever connected with anyone in that way. There are some people who just don't feel a connection with other people. Oct 28, A lesson I've learned in the murky field of dating in my twenties: if you're not attracted to someone on the first date, you are probably not going to change your mind. Ever. For both of your.
She wanted it. She had always been rather independent. I talk or communicate with her many times a week. We go out for dinner with the kids together occasionally, celebrate Christmas etc I had a bit of a fling after the divorce with an old gal friend, but no more and I want to be a single guy for a loooooong long time now. Happy as can be. If the right person comes along again someday, well into the futurethen maybe. Now, what should I have to eat tonight?
I still feel the same as when I wrote that article almost a year ago. And so far, no one has come along that makes me feel any different!
Perk #2: The Introverts Retreat
During this time I had a bit of interest in dating but that diminished after a few months and I broke it off with the man I was seeing. Right now I have absolutely no interest in dating, sure I sometimes miss things couples do BUT I much prefer keeping my focus on my kids, improving myself and achieving my goals and dreams. So happy to read this. Take your time!!
I am a single mother of 2 boys and have been divorced for over 4 years now. I went on my first date since a bad fling right after the divorce and I was surprised at how uninterested I was.
I would much rather have gone out with some of my friends and spent the evening without the stress of a date. Thank you so much for this article. Like someone about, mine was a 30 year relationship where I took a lot of crap, now I have my kids and myself and my dogs and life is good.
No thanks. The thought of dating sends me into a whirl of emotions that lead me to feel almost sick to my stomach. No thank you! I am newly out of a 26 year relationship and feeling very raw.