I screwed up my nose and considered what to say. Just as I held back the words "stop" and "that" I felt a shudder go through me. During my time as a matchmaker, I had become all too aware of the power shift between men and women when dating. Although in my experience, it happened much later, rather than the disturbing prepubescent scenario my niece had just presented to me. When women are young, pert and perky, sexual attention is as omnipresent as alcopops. All we have to do is don a micro-mini, slick on a glossy smile and prepare to ride a tsunami of proposals. We're given a false sense of confidence, living life as though we have been cast as the leading lady in an Impulse ad.
For most of them, this was a fairly new shift in their lives, one that had taken many by surprise. Megan, a 35 year-old yoga instructor, wrote "You know how they always say that the good ones are taken or gay? I never believed that, until I started dating guys on the cusp of Megan was adamant that she never had "a daddy thing" for substantially older dudes. It's not that they slow down so much as they seem paralyzed by uncertainty about their lives.
Many of the 20 and something women I talked to noted that it was guys their own age or even younger who seemed more mature and emotionally stable.
While the pool of straight, single males age is smaller than that of dudes who are a decade younger, it isn't just scarcity that seems to be turning some women away from dating older men. It's a combination of social and sexual factors. My grandfather often remarked that "30 is the age when a young man stops being promising. Today, we give men an extra decade to "launch" themselves professionally. But in this prolonged recession, more men than ever are hitting mid-life single - and with the keen awareness that they've fallen short both of their own dreams and of other's expectations.
As many of the women in my informal study reported, many men on the cusp of 40 become preoccupied with their own ageing.
Online Dating in my 30ís?! Struggles + Fears - chit chat GRWM
Dating a younger woman is charged with meaning for them; it's one obvious way of continuing to feel youthful. But these older fellas are also more likely than younger men to be nonplussed by their girlfriends' success, which they compare grimly to their own real or perceived shortcomings.
Nicole points out that when she first started dating older men, she was a poor college student. But as she grew into her own career, she soon found that those same older men no longer were necessarily more successful than she was. Men a few years older than me can't impress me with their money or their experience, because I've got as much of both as they do.
And that seems to throw a lot of them off. As Megan, Nicole, and others remarked, men in their 20s and early 30s seem both less stressed and less intimidated by women's success than their slightly older counterparts.
These younger guys are not only less likely to feel that they're running out of time, they're not nearly as troubled by women who are often better educated and better paid than they are.
Many other women I heard from seem to agree.
Oct 13, † MGTOW - Men Going Their Own Way - is a statement of self-ownership, where the modern man preserves and protects his own sovereignty above all else. It is the manifestation of one word: No. Ejecting silly preconceptions and cultural definitions of what a man is. Looking to no one else for social cues. Refusing to bow, serve and kneel for the opportunity to be treated like a disposable utility. All had a history of dating older guys; all were either currently dating men younger than themselves, or were keenly interested in doing so. For most of them, this was a fairly new shift in their. Oct 26, † SOURCE: Why Women Lose the Dating Game. I just saw the above article about how women are losing the dating game. It was long. Here's what I got from it. Many attractive women in their 20s reject all but the most attractive and powerful men; Many of those rejected men go on to become more attractive and powerful in their 30s and 40s.
But there's more to the appeal of younger guys than greater egalitarianism alone. Many of the women I interviewed noted that at this point in their lives, they found slightly younger dudes to be far more sexually attractive. As my interviewees made clear, the enduring myths that women aren't particularly visual - and that most women find grey hair and wrinkles to be turn-ons - are just that, myths.
Status Not open for further replies. First Prev 5 of 10 Go to page. Random Painted HIghway Member. Jul 17, 4, 0 0. My wife's single female colleagues all struggle on the dating market.
Combo of high education ph age, drive for success, and high standards and expectations is deadly to the bio clock. Two Words Member. May 8, 17, 3 Women should simply try to be the initiator more often. Our society does this stupid thing where relationships can only be initiated by men. It's dumb. A woman shouldn't need to wait for a man to strike up a conversation. Plummie Neo Member. Oct 6, 11 0 0 DC Metro Area. Tron 1 said:.
Sadly in your situation it is not you it is the man that has that mindset. If you don't think as a man you have anything to offer a woman that is educated, successful, and independent then that's in you.
Being in a serious relationship with someone you value should be about building something together. You may not as a man be able to do it all but that does not mean that you are not a contributor to the success of that relationship. Deleted member Unconfirmed Member. I don't think so at all.
There are plenty of people not settling down and getting married etc. From a quick google, the current average age of first marriage in the US is 27 for women and 29 for males.
And if anything, I think it's harder for 30 something single males since women do still marry a big younger. Having been single in my early 30s I'm 37 and happily engaged now the dating pool was pretty limited-even in a big city.
Granted that was partly being a highly educated Ph D atheist that doesn't want kids and lives in the south, so that limited the pool to begin with.
But even that aside, the bulk of the year old single females that were above average looking either had kids already, lots of baggage from a recent divorce etc. I'd think the pool of single males would be a bit broader since they get married a couple years later on average, probably don't have full time custody of kids from a prior relationship for people not wanting to deal with a new partners kids etc. Zaventem Member. Jul 6, 6, 0 I'm around your age but for me, I look for someone born between - Easier to control.
I kid. Black Republican Member. Mar 21, 15, 2 32 Ontario,Canada.
Renekton said:. Jan 22, 14, 0 Two Words said:. TickleMeElbow Member. Feb 16, 2, 0 0. Dabanton Member. May 25, 25, 1 0. ZombieSupaStar Member.
At What Age Do Women Become the Hunters?
Jun 6, 14, 0 1, I'm a 34 year old guy and id prefer a mid to late 20s woman with no kids, but wants them in the future. UnObtainium17 Member. Jan 4, 4, 1 Random Painted HIghway said:. Jan 6, 16, 0 Tabris said:.
I'm just over 30 and I refuse to date anyone close to my age.
I tend to only date women in their early 20s. There's expectations that women have in their 30s regarding relationships and they aren't as adventurous anymore. And I'm not mature enough for either. Oh, and there's a larger chance of past relationship baggage. God Dayumm Banned.
Jul 29, 8, 0 0 Harrisburg. Kill Your Masters Member.
Jan 16, 7, 0 E92 M3 said:. Education is actually very important to me. Stupid is the biggest turn off. I'd also add that I think the expectation of equal or higher levels of "success" goes both ways for many. First, I'm typically just not compatible with such people even on a friend level as it's just a fundamentally different approach to life and priorities. Second, since I don't want kids and I'm fairly independent and have never been desperate to settle down I felt no pressure to settle.
If I'm going to have a partner for life, I want it to be someone who's successful and brings in a decent income so my overall standard of living is improved dramatically vs. That sounds shallow, but I don't mean it to be as obviously love, attraction and all that stuff is super important.
Dating power shift 30s
I'm just saying I felt no pressure to settle for anything less than both. And fortunately that has paid off as my fiancee is all the above and more.
E92 M3 Member. Jun 15, 26, 2 Hellraizer said:. No college education or degree does most definitely not equal stupid. SoRuffShoNuff said:. Sure it differs on a case by case basis but in general a man with a masters degree will have no problem dating and marrying a woman with just a bachelor's.
Feb 04, † During my time as a matchmaker, I had become all too aware of the power shift between men and women when dating. Although in my experience, it happened much later, rather than the disturbing prepubescent scenario my niece had just presented to me. Apr 04, † Having been single in my early 30s (I'm 37 and happily engaged now) the dating pool was pretty limited-even in a big city. Granted that was partly being a highly educated (Ph D) atheist that doesn't want kids and lives in the south, so that limited the pool to begin with. Oct 18, † That phrase was "the mid?s power flip." At the dating service I ran, the male-female ratio always formed a perfect bell-shaped curve. At the top of Author: Steve Penner.
Hell I know plenty of men who have a degree and married women with just a high school diploma. Also because someone didn't earn a college degree that doesn't make them stupid.
SoRuffShoNuff Member. Nov 9, 1, 0 0. Bleepey Member. Dec 21, 13, 2 You're a curious one aren't you. Dabanton said:.
On things like Tinder I see a lot of profiles where women say they won't initiate conversation at all. It's a double edged sword be too forward and people assume she's 'desperate'. But my take is if you actually have things in common it shouldn't matter. Another problem is a lot of people can't actually converse face to face anymore. Pau Member. May 3, 11, 0 0. Mar 24, 14, 0 0 Toronto. Pau said:. The only reason I'm in a relationship right now is because I initiated it.
But it does kind of suck if you can only get guys' attention when you initiate because of the whole narrative that young women always have guys flocking to them. Hard not to think something is wrong with you if that's not the case. Mr Cola said:. No-one can say you cant want what you want, and you are indeed fortunate to find what you have, simply because having finite boundaries and managing to meet anothers finite boundaries in a very small pool of people is, well quite rare.
But I imagine for everyone two people that have these finite standards, there are many, as is the kind of overall message of this thread, who wont and have to revise. Theres an element of luck to all of this. Beer Monkey Member. Mar 3, 23, 5 1, Cincinnati www. I'm almost 50 and get hit on by women in their early 30s incessantly.