By mechengr , May 24, in Officially Grads. What is the dating scene in grad school like? What has your experience been? We had a big incoming cohort of MAs and PhDs from all over the country. Some of us had significant others move with us, some had SOs in a long-distance thing, and some came single. In this first year, I can't think of anyone whose situation has changed significantly though there are probably one or two people who I'm just not as familiar with. Anyhow, I think for a lot of people the first year is just so busy that, whether or not they're lonely, the idea of actively dating can be a little daunting in a new city with a new crowd.
I have a question, as I don't know much about graduate school policies. I was supposed to go to Korea this summer with my family but that's been cancelled and pushed to next year in July. My parents are invited to a meeting so we have to go during that specific time (we can't choose our own dates). I'll be in early July and 2 weeks long. That said, I can't imagine nurturing a new relationship in grad school. My university is really big on community, though. we have a graduate student bar, monthly school-wide happy hours, speed dating, and themed mixers across graduate programs. I feel like it's possible. Jun 22, -Avoid dating (or playing around) in your department. These people are technically colleagues now, and it can get messy and awkward. -Check for inter-departmental functions, especially regular meetings (with food!) for Graduate Student Unions and the like. Cross-pollination of the disciplines often = success for grad student dating.
I'm dating someone already, but if at any point I'm single in grad school I plan to say the following thing to any alluring fellow grad students: "Now, I think I'm totally worth it, but just so you know that by being in a serious relationship with me you are committing to always choosing my career first.
In this way I hope to sidestep the two body problem.
That's also partly why I'm dating someone with moveable ambitions. Good idea, qbtacoma! I may use that line myself, if you don't mind. I know that it's going to be hard enough to find an academic job after I graduate- I'd really rather not have to try to coordinate with an SO in the same boat of desperately searching for an academic job!
1st Semester as a PhD Student ?? (Relationships???+???, Classes ??, && Money ??)
Unfortunately, being in grad school, I tend to meet mostly other grad students, many of whom have ambitions of academia. I should get out more. I'm not forcing my partner to play second fiddle to me, if that's what you're getting at.
I meant "movable" in the sense that one doesn't have to be in any particular place to be a teacher, musician, etc. Or a stay-at-home parent, for that matter. And yeah, compatibility of life goals is actually important - I would rather not go through the heartache of being in love with someone whose career ambitions were in competition with mine.
May 27, Intense programs like med school and law school will change the dynamic you have with your significant other. As will certain jobs. We took a moment to speak with Katherine Braden about how she's coping with dating a med student after college-and how those lessons apply to anyone with a significant other who's going through some. Sep 04, Better advice: Do not treat graduate school as a dating pool in which you are a shark and everyone else is a tasty tuna. On the other hand, it's perfectly normal for people to meet in grad school and start dating-you may have similar interests, and dating a fellow doctoral student is an infinitely better option than dating a professor. But, like any "office" romance, you should proceed with . D in computer science. I wanted to get a sense of social life/dating in grad school. Any advice, things you wish you had done, etc. with regards to dating, social life, and emotional health would be beneficial. I'm going to a school that has slightly more grads than undergrads (think 55/45 split). It's semi-small city/college town.
Hey that's as honest as it gets and you know where your priorities lie Being upfront like that is most likely for the best I mean hell, don't rope me in and then expect me to follow you around in pursuit of your dreams and goals My career is just as important as yours and if we both realize that then it'll work. So well said qbtacoma, I like it.
Thanks for this. As Dan Savage so wisely says, there's no such person as "The One," but there are a lot of people who could be rounded up to one. I just hope this does not create bad feelings if this happens inside the department.
It could unfortunately. This "dating inside your department" topic comes up frequently here.
Plenty of people date in graduate school. Graduate school is a great place to meet like-minded people, and if it's a big enough city, you can also date outside of the university. Yes, a PhD is busy, but with proper time management, there's no reason why you shouldn't be able to enjoy dating/a relationship.
If you are mature, level-headed, and even-keeled I think it's manageable. Everybody is different, and only you can know how you would react in professional situations with somebody you dated and then broke up with.
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Let's say your significant other broke your heart. Do you have the strength and maturity to act professionally and separate you personal life in conferences, presentations, etc?
Most high school attempts at love and sex are turbulent and short-lived. Because they are learning experiences. You are likely to feel somewhat more relaxed/confident if you arrive at college with some experience - any experience. Feb 12, Dating takes a lot of time in graduate school, but I would say having a significant other helped me have a life. I would have been much more productive without my wife, but I also wouldn't have had a social life or any balance. What Grad School Is REALLY Like Dating in grad school is more like: Tap to play or pause GIF Via butterfishny.com In college, your main job is to consume knowledge. In grad school, you focus on.
If the answer is no, then look elsewhere for love. I was seeing someone in my undergrad class and eventually didn't work out, but it was not awkward at all. It may not be the best idea, but we just pretended like nothing happened and continued being friend. It did, however, take about half of year of awkwardness, then everything was back to normal.
I second Grimm's scoffing reply here. Assuming first of all that you were to happen to find and really fall in love with a person with "moveable ambitions," do you really think that alone will solve all possible conflicts that could come up?
Dating in graduate school reddit
You could end up getting your dream job - or your only job - in a place that you're ok with or for which you're willing to settle, but which your significant other absolutely abhors, regardless of whether or not he or she can find work there. What happens then? Taking on the attitude which you've stated here sounds like a wonderful way to ultimately find yourself bitterly alone. I've read this thread as a moderator before, but now that I'm officially divorced I'm reading it with new eyes There are professors my age, though.
So for me, the only way I can really date anyone is to get involved in stuff off-campus which, conveniently, I already am. There's one group in particular that is fun to hang out with which includes some very nerdy people; we play games together one night a week. I figure any dates I get are likely to come from this pool.
I just hope the guys aren't too intimidated by a woman who has more formal education than they do. True story about two friends of mine that have been dating and living together for several years. He got a postdoc.
She's a nurse so you would assume movable ambitions but, she's locked into a contract which basically guarantees her work hours and pay rate so she can't move with him. Even "movable amibitions" may not always be enough. Why does the thought of dating a professor weird you out? I mean, if they're your age and you have common interests Think spousal hire! Well, if it were someone not in my department, I guess it would be OK.
What Grad School Is REALLY Like
I just don't know anyone else. I know this is a complete noobish question but how exactly do you get involved in clubs and organizations at grad school?
I went to a super small college for undergrad and to join a club you just showed up to the meeting and everyone was friends. I'm going to a much bigger school for grad school and I'm starting to feel a bit overwhelmed but just how much stuff there is! Are there clubs and activities just for grad students? I'm assuming that your department has a graduate student association of some sort Also, if you check your school's student life page, you should be directed to an entire list of student organizations, ranging from undergrad to grad.
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Katherine admits that this first year with adjusting to her boyfriend being a med student has been challenging. She works evenings and he is often asleep by the time she gets home and then already at school when she wakes up. But we make it work.
She is so thankful that there was an orientation seminar for new students entering into John A. Some of the best advice they gave to incoming med students was to pick a duration of time during the week that you devote to each other.
This goes for both parties or family members. We typically make a big breakfast, go to the beach or on a hike, and reconvene in the evening to cook dinner and watch a movie.
That time together allows you both to recharge after your busy and largely independent workweeks. Her advice to combat this is to never let yourself believe that just because your partner is pursuing a career as an MD that you and your career are in some way of lesser value.
This is the same even if your partner is going to law school or any other type of graduate school. Like many recent graduates, Katherine felt pretty blindsided after she graduated. During school she had been so focused on her academics that she had inadvertently missed the bigger picture-life after college.