My husband has been receiving an overwhelming amount of spam emails in his junk box from senders like "Sexygirl", and the subject line is "Hairless teen". He receives emails from live girls on web cam and senders like " I like older men". Out of spam emails in his junk box, just about every other message is from a porn site like this or senders with names like these. When you click on them they are links to porn sites and chat lines. He even receives emails from Eharmony. Why does he receive so many of these and I don't.
After you discover that your husband has visited an online dating site, you will probably have strong feelings of betrayal, anger and mistrust. Trusting your husband again will take time and commitment from both parties. Share with him how his behavior has affected you. Consider asking him to recommit to fix the marriage and outline your expectations for your marital commitment.
If you and your husband have difficulty talking about his online behavior or if you are unable to rebuild trust and recommit to saving your marriage, a counselor may be able to help you, suggests MayoClinic.
During counseling, you and your husband will have the chance to share your perspectives and to hear feedback on how to improve your trust, love and intimacy. A marriage counselor can help you learn how to communicate your needs more effectively, which may prevent future breaches of trust. Some men with high-paying jobs cheat just because they can. Husbands with high-paying jobs may use dating sites to seek out partners for infidelity. Technology offers tools that can change innocent opportunities into bona fide infidelity.
Some personal websites are designed specifically for people who seek extramarital affairs. Mobile applications and websites offer tools for people who seek extramarital encounters.
Husbands may use a social dating application out of curiosity for an intriguing new community, or seek out adulterous opportunities with like-minded cheaters. Miguel Cavazos is a photographer and fitness trainer in Los Angeles who began writing in He has contributed health, fitness and nutrition articles to various online publications, previously editing stand-up comedy and writing script coverage as a celebrity assistant.
Cavazos holds a Bachelor of Arts in philosophy and political science from Texas Christian University. If you study marriage, like you would anything else that is important to you, you will eventually be fine.
Otherwise you will go from one problem to another. You cannot change someone, or make them love you. But you can become more approachable by being more loving. It is always good to behave according to the highest principles, even when you do not get back what you deserve.
Your advice sounds great, however I do not see Why do men feel cheating is fine or date sites etc; War will not end us, my bet is on social media. I came to this site because i wanted to know why people think women should stay and put up with grap like that. He travels a few times a month, so i happen to know that he is meeting women. He is also 10 years older than me might i add. Dear Maidinform I agree with you. It is not okay. Why do so many people equate sex with love?
Is it how we are trained by the media? Or are we just shallow? I think it is a lack of knowledge. I think we are sold a bill of false goods by TV and movies, and romantic stories that always end up in the bedroom. Women have a greater capacity for love than men it is just the way it is of course there are scientific reasons and so women are in a better place to lead their marriage back to happiness. Resentment will not help. Criticism will not help.
Complaining will not help.
Dear cupid i have just found out that my husband has asked for casual sex on the internet dating sites, i am shocked to discover this as i know our sex life was not very active at the moment but i didnt think it warranted this kind of behaviour!I am not a prood by any length but hes also put his photo on there as well as his postcode etc. i. How can I find out if my husband is on any dating sites or is seeing anyone by his mobile number? Here are a few avenues to consider, depending on your state of suspicion and desperation: 1. You could ask him. Sometimes a wandering spouse is a par. Online dating websites offer opportunities for men to connect with other men and women. Dating sites are portable, and men can access the database from any computer with an Internet connection. Many dating sites have mobile applications that enhance opportunities to explore potential relationships.
Leaving will not help, either! Dear Kathy You will never find the answers in articles. Marriage is complex. Find a source that you are comfortable with, then use their teachings. Otherwise your marriage will continue to cycle down. Of course please write in to our counselors, which is available in the menu, and ask for your request to come to me.
And sex most of us love sex but why do we have to change for him? Some have kids and work our asses off and housework and kids and all and still try to make him happy. Fuck that! He needs to help! Kids are the reason we decide to heal the marriage, not endure suffering. Sometimes the only reason anyone would consider staying in the marriage is to protect their children from divorce.
The rare marriages when a divorce is justified, or the kids actually do better are so few that it is not worth mentioning. It is wrong; period.
My husband keeps going on dating sites
But you have to choose. Do you prefer punishing him, and pushing him further out the door? Or, do you want to try to save your marriage? You cannot have both. You are allowing your anger to rule you. Sex is not love, and love is not just giving sex. If you wish to save your marriage you will have to change who you are, or you will keep doing the same things that ruined your marriage his cheating is a symptom.
Get our marriage help program!!!
What Does Not Work
Dear Corinne, There is a vast difference between the two and you know it. Fantasy is not an action that produces outward effects, just personal problems. However, that being said, your idea of you personally substituting for his fantasies is even worse than you know because it will separate you from your husband even more.
Besides, you are his wife, not a sex toy. You need to get educated! Read one of my books. It will possibly be all you need unless you are not talking about him going further than using porn as an escape. Posted ads looking for sexual partners when i was begging for him to spend time with me, have sex with me, and im a 10! I found out by looking through his phone once he started a travelling job that kept him away from home.
He saw an opportunity and took it. Yet he claims he never slept with anyone. Hes wanted me since we were 13 yet this is what he does to me after waiting 14 years to finally have me?
But im a foolish jackass for trusting him. For trusting anyone. So tell me, how did his loving wife cause his infidelity? That is not the same as condoning actions that are obviously immoral and detrimental.
But you, dear Dee, are focused so much on the material cts of yourself that your poor heart is suffocating. So, where is your compassion? Where is your self-analysis? Clearly, you have known your husband for a long time. What do you plan? To end your marriage? To wait for him to come around? I offer an objective view and you do not want to hear it.
Nor does it mean I attack you. It only means what is written in the article. How you take it is up to you. I suggest you get more objective, so you can move forward and not towards a divorce. My husband has been in several sffairs with girls online. Out and still hes doing it. Read either of my books so you can evaluate where you need to bolster things.
Generally speaking, a wife has great power when she comes from a place of love, and only love. It is, after all, why men marry women in the first place. I am very please that my wife found this article.
As the wanderer in our relationship it helps me to understand a little about myself and I know we are smart enough to utilize these amazing tools Blessing to everyone.
It is not a question of intelligence at this point. But would you take it up for a spin?
The years and experiences I have had were critical in the development of what we now sell, which the article only touches upon, to people like you in order to ensure success. Trying to do this on your own at this stage is unwise and a set-up for certain failure.
If it were otherwise I would be the first to tell you. I enjoyed this article. I stumbled upon it through online searching for help on what to do. I found a video that a girl had sent my husband in February. I know he would never physically cheat but the online things hurt me. I need help on what to do to help my marriage grow stronger and to help fulfill he urge to wander.
With more than 50 thousand members we offer a guaranteed to find someone My Husband Keeps Going On Dating Sites you are interested in. We are so confident that you'll start hooking up with someone within 10 minutes/ May 24, I am so frustrated by my husband he keeps finding different dating sites and puts his profile on there. Most of them he says he is divorced. I thought I had put a stop to it but just recently he is doing it again. When I confront him about it . Husband keeps going on dating sites. What do men going on the preoccupation with straight men. My husband has because of the tricks of your husband has nothing to explore homoerotic fantasies. First move, he just the. Re: perplexed hello, it and see if your problems go outside to help heterosexual men. My husband is going on dating sites.
Any advice would be appreciated! Courtney has done what many women do that will only make matters worse and tops it off by offering a solution that merely enables him. It is not an easy assignment in our world because there is so much confusion but I have made the process doable by anyone who is as sincere as Cortney.
Her husband, like all men, needs the unconditional love of a woman expressed in ways he understands. It is really that simple. Hopefully, Courtney will choose the course for women. In her case it would work perfectly. Both she and her husband would swim in the love and bask in their newfound ever-expanding happiness and never look back. My husband and I met 13 years ago and we blent our kids together as a family.
Now our kids are adults and we feel lost. My husband started going to the gym 4 hours a day, got a sports car, and started to become distant. I gave into him hoping the distance would go away. But this back fired. He started an emotional affair with a woman I actually became friends with after double dating. Swinging never worked out for us as couples together but he and the wife were texting intimate things like I love you baby.
Her words to him burn in my mind. This statement was far more hurtful than their saying I love you. I did confront him. Our marriage did go straight down the tubes. He found out and says this may be a deal breaker for him. Now that I made these mistakes, and with me being a monogamous loyal person and him wanting more kinky sexual encounters, can our marriage be saved.
I have already vowed to not look back. Forgive him. And be more positive. I made a commitment to fixing this because the crime is far less excruciating than losing him. Please help!
Dear Rachel, I understand your and see that we are in the same boat, I just want to know how you over came it!!! You know I was reading your article, and what what r u trying to sellI am a woman who was meant to be a mother and house wife and I have been with the same man for 17 years and from the start he has been on numbers and dating sites.
I have been the one to be loving and pleasing in and out of bed. I have done everything, everything to hold us together and he does nothingSo tell mewhere have i gone wrong, how is any of this my fault in any way? Audrey Your situation is not pleasant to hear about.
Were you aware of his calls when you married him?
Some men never mature, even when they are married and have children. In those situations it is nearly impossible to do anything other than endure, and cover, so your children are unaware. However, in most homes where the husband has strayed it is because he gave in to temptation instead of opening up to his wife. In far too many of those cases the wife is oblivious of her failures and would not listen even if her husband laid it out as succinctly as I do.
Its NOT her fault! Its a problem with a lack of true marital knowledge. How many understand how to gauge their own behaviors? Express love as a natural part of their life? How to create ongoing intimacy?
How to be truly compassionate? If you want a truly happy marriage it is well within your power. My husband drinks and goes on Tinder and talks to women, has sent naked pics, went on a few dates, and invited one woman over. He says nothing sexual happened. He had been drinking the whole time. I had problems with my sex drive as newlyweds due to birth control pills and he never seemed to be able to let that go because we were supposed to be in newlywed sexual bliss.
We waited until we were married for sex. I felt I was robbed of the experience and have asked him for compassion. He has refused and thinks only about how HE was robbed of the experience. I was thrown in to an alcoholic marriage and rarely connect with him on an emotional level.
He continues to drink and treats me in nasty ways. A few times our interactions turned physical when he drank.
Does your partner have secret social media accounts? — Susan Winter
So naturally, sex feels like a transaction to please him. How am I supposed stick around for this? And our children? You are like two children fighting over who should go first and keep spiting each other, though he seems better at the negative and is in self-destruct mode. You can be the first to take the first step if you want but you need to do so without all this resentment which means you need to deal with your mind by getting it to do what you tell it to do.
The best solution is the course for women we have at The Marriage Foundation. Really, talk of divorce when you can save your family?
You are correct in stating that web sites like Ashley Madison need to disappear from the face of the earth. I know from personal experience that affairs are like atomic bombs, they destroy everything in their path. I filed for a divorce immediately. We were married for over 20 years. I also discovered that he had been cheating for the 2nd time, this time his affair partner was a married woman.
I believe no marriage can be salvaged if the wayward spouse refuse to change and develop a moral compass. I could no longer accept my ex-husband dishonoring me and disrespecting our teenage daughter. I think not. Dear Msjay I am sorry for your personal experience. I know many therapists, if not most, suggest infidelity spells the end of the marriage. But that is not our experience. I only wish we could have been there for you and your family. I later discovered that he had at least 4 other sexual affairs and was fired from his job for downloading porn images.
Dec 14, my husband keeps receiving spam emails from sex sites or sex chat sites and I don't? My husband has been receiving an overwhelming amount of spam emails in his junk box from senders like "Sexygirl", and the subject line is "Hairless teen". He receives emails from live girls on web cam and senders like " I like older men". Jan 07, I found out last night that my husband has been on local dating sites, and not just looking at the pictures like he has said in the past. He is recieving messages from females in the bulk folder of our SHARED e-mail account from multiple sites. I opened the messages in the folder but that's as far as you can go other than to sign in on the site, which I cannot do without . How to Fix a Marriage When the Husband Goes to Online Dating Sites. By: Anna Green. More Articles. some men visit online dating sites for the excitement and don't intend on having a physical or emotional affair. If this is the case, you may be able to repair the marriage by adding variety to your relationship. If your husband visited.
Thank you for your well wishes and keep up the good work. Be blessed! The past is the past, and I am glad you have moved on to raise your daughter well. It is rare, no matter how awful things may appear, to have to lose a marriage, thanks to our discoveries about marriage, and the way we approach it.
Many thanks and blessings for sharing your story and confirmation about the Ashley Madisons of the world. I read your article. It was an interesting take on things I am 6 months into my new marriage, recently discovered my husband has been on a sex dating site.
FFS really? Wrong or right I felt better confronting him, I am glad he is gone and if he thinks the grass is better well so be it. Hi Bella, You know the article was not written for newlyweds, but for marriages where there are children, and saving the marriage is of a much higher importance.
In your case you did the right, and recommended thing. Please read my article on Newlyweds Having Second Thoughts. I am sorry for what you have been through!
My husband is on dating sites looking for casual sex! What should I do?
My husband and I have been married 8 years but I feel like it never was a marriage. From the start a week after we were married he was talking to other girls. All throughout are marriage he has done this. All the same story. I feel like our marriage was a big waste of my time.
We have 2 kids and guess what after each kid was born in found him talking to other girls. He does everything you can think of to do. Fuck book, Kiki, snap chat, creating different email accounts. Ando bc he has.
Yet here I am trying to make it work. In our marriage help program for women we begin with how to manage your mind so the impact is greatly lessened, and how to see your husband as having a disease to contend with, that hurts everyone.
Then, we go over marriage in depth, so all your expectations can be realistic. Your husband is reacting; to your behaviors, as well as his own misconceptions. Every man will react differently. You cannot alter the things in his mind, but you can alter the outer conditions, meaning how you are with him. In most cases that is more than enough. In some cases the husband might be using alcohol, drugs, or be impacted by something nobody can see, and those cases are tougher.
Bur usually the marriage should get better in ways you cannot now imagine. So, what courses are there? And he was a really bad drunk. I need to feel loved as well. Dear Sarah My suggestion for you is to take our program which is unconditionally guaranteed.
I am not saying it will work, because of the drugs and alcohol. But there are many things you can do to be less victimized, and maybe help your husband to see the light. Good Luck to all of you. Good job Lorie! Now, if you wish, you can learn more about marriage and take yours to a higher level, without fear of making mistakes. Marriage is scientific! He was on his own for a long time and I think they were his female companionship.
We both are seniors with very bad experiences in the past and he has many good qualities. I think his male self esteem has been seriously compromised from the past.
While I am not threatened by them, I know they indicate that our relationship is not what I want it to be. He is very afraid to open up but is doing so slowly. I agree that confrontation is unlikely to benefit anyone. It does not take away from the good stuff in our relationship. I have recently started sending him love song videos which he seems to appreciate. I have had, at various times, to make the decision as whether I want to promote this relationship or end it.
I have decided to promote it. His communication with me about deep issues and also just to keep on touch when he is away is improving slowly but steadily. At some point I may share with him that I know about it, but in a kind way acknowledging that he has some needs that are not met in our relationship.
Since he has been doing it for a long time before we met I would not expect that he would drop it immediately. None of us is perfect. Your ability to weigh the positives against the negatives and let go of the negatives will allow your love to grow without restraint.
Not building expectations that cannot be met is further proof of your innate wisdom, and your refusal to be influenced by trendy and false crazy ideas is admirable. I think you would enjoy our book. You remind me of one our earlier coaches, who was a MFT and he taught psychology at the collage level. You will do very well with your man, and when you marry you will be able to enjoy much more connection.
Blessings to you both. Thank you Paul. Which book is that? I taught at college for years - in the area of the sciences mainly. Developing that was my first priority. My students taught ne much. You will enjoy and benefit from my books, Breaking The Cycle, or Lessons for a Happy Marriage, both of which are available in the menu. Thank you for your inputs. In the past year I have found several dating sites my husband is linked to.
I confronted him when I discovered a contact in his phone disguised as a male but was really a woman from one of the sites. He deleted the sites but this past week I saw more accounts linked to an email he claims not to use. These sites are specifically for affairs and hook ups. There were even pornographic in his drafts folder. The most recent blow in the course of 48 hours was finding him texting a former friend of mine that slept with my boyfriend back in college.
He claims she texted him and told him to disguise her number.
I just recently moved across the country for his new job and we have a young child. Dear Molly, I think you wrote to us, but I will answer here for the sake of others. Marriage is not a plaything or temp relationship, but the way media approaches it we all have ideas about marriage that makes it tough to make it work.
I would not condone any actions which are not marriage building, but the truth is your husband, and you, do not know until you know. The very purpose for our existenceis to teach marriage. Either take our course or read our book.
Your situation is not only fixable, but you can use this as a wake up call.
As a single woman who uses websites to seek out single, eligible partners I cannot believe the number of men who are married and seeking out a relationship of some sort or another posing as single men. I do not knowingly date married men and I was shocked at the number of married men I encountered on line.
I made dates with these men thinking they were actually single. It became obvious to me at a certain point that they are still heavily involved with a woman in some way. Honestly, the problems these men have are worthy of a paycheck for me!
I am not a marriage counselor, but it seems to me that is the role I play for these men. A lot of times I feel they are actually trying to understand why their marriage is so bad and what they can do to make it better. I am an honest and perceptive woman.
Most of these guys need some help and usually their marriages mean more to them than being single or getting divorced. There is a breakdown in the marriage somewhere along the way. When I discover the men are married I just converse with them politely. I think these men are very confused and do not know how to go about repairing their marriages. These guys all claim they are not happy but they have no plans to divorce or remarry.
So women - arm yourself with this thought. So just because your husband is on a dating website do not assume that he is willing to throw your marriage down the drain or will find a regular woman who will go for this unless she is desperate to have a child and entrap a married man. I f you want your marriage to go down the drain and the guy has been a handful, I could understand why you might want to throw in the towel. From what I have seen of most of these married men they have really lost their way in the marriage.
Most of them have no plans to divorce or remarry right away. Try to work on your marriage unless the man has been utterly disgusting has sex with your sister, is involved with criminal activity, is abusive to you or your children. A lot of the guys have career or substance abuse issues which will usually not go away by replacing their wives. And of course most normal women do not want to get involved with a married man with financial, legal or substance abuse issues! Most of these guys need a fresh perspective on their marriage and their lives, not a divorce.
I also meet married men when I am out socially who are cheating on their wives. I am not a therapist nor am I affiliated with this website.
These guys are truly lost but it seems very evident to me that they are not planning on divorcing or remarrying. I think people often forget about basic love and respect in their marriages.
I always act like a lady on every date. The guys I have met said they had fun or enjoyed my openness or honesty. I am sure they found me physically attractive as well, but it seems like a different perspective is what attracted them the most. A lot of people seem to say they are no longer in love, but I think they have forgotten how to keep the relationship lively. Why is the guy taking me out to dinner or out dancing to a new place he has never been to with his wife? I think the answer is that one or both of them has forgotten the initial fun and attraction that characterized the reason for their initial union, and the unique way they have helped one another along in life.
I agree with your opinion. May be worsened the situation. I have 5 years old daughter and hence feel sceptical to take any bold step. I am trying my best to understand his psychological and physical needs, and trying to fulfil at his requirement level.
I have started to show him more love and attention; and trying to motivate him a lot because his professional life is not good from past many years. Please advise me if I am incorrect somewhere. I have two questions, please advise me: 1. How to maintain my sexual life? But I keep going to him after few days.
How do I help him come out of online dating, affairs etc. Also presently he is staying in different city because of his work.
I am glad you followed that course of action. Turning from taking things personally to compassionate understanding is a powerful medicine that you need to take for the rest of your life. Please read one of our books or take the courseyou will be fine if you become knowledgeable.
I understand that the advice you are giving is logical. It could work if the man truly is in love and just acting badly. It makes me cry to read though. I feel as if this behavior destroys me. Why must i be so much better then i am to deserve to truly be cared for. My brain says people are human and they can hurt you and love you at the same time. My heart says no, i have loved you and you have used me.
How nasty that you should do that and the only way i can fix it is to go on and on feeling so unloved while i try to win you. I am confused! Dear Betsy Your confusion is completely understandable, and very common.
We give and give and give. To the end of the earth and yet we should be the ones to change more? To live more so that we can win him back? He refuses to get help, counseling. Dear Kris Can you recall one time in your life that resentment actually accomplished anything good? Because I have never seen or heard of anger, vengeance, or expectations ever create a positive result. Our point is that those who escape their marriages, their wives, by going onto porn sites, or looking for sex fixes, are running for a reason.
Is it right that they should do so? Of course not! But neither is it right that a wife would abandon all loyalty, and all compassion, to express her disdain for the man she married by condemnation. Your husband is not perfect.
Neither are you. We are here to help marriages, and we are very good at it. Our clients are successful. But we will only alter our ways when we find a better way to heal marriages.
Confronted him and he denied, denied, denied. Gave him photocopies of proof, then he started being affectionate to me.
I wanted to throw up. So we finally talked and I chose to continue the relationship if he could confront the ex and tell her he would not be speaking with her anymore. He did. I thought we had worked things out. Recently my girlfriend tells me he is messaging her through a dating site.
Asked him why he was on a dating site. Again deny, deny, deny. I joined the dating website and messaged him. Still he denies that he got my message. The site confirms that he was online and got it. So do I continue to be treated like an ass at home while he is doing whatever when I go to work to support us both? Somehow I do not think you are married. The things you did are aggressive, confrontational, intense. What would your reaction be? I do hope there are no children involved.
Neither of you are educated enough to raise children properly, and perhaps not mature enough either. You do not ask questions that would help your relationship.
So there can be no valuable feedback for you.